I have a joke...

While driving home from swimming lessons...

Thomas: "Mommy, I have a joke for you. - Knock-Knock."

Mommy: "Who's there?"

Thomas: "I married up."

...pause

Mommy: "I married up who." (say it out loud for full effect)

...ensuing laughter

Daddy: "Nice one. ...you're grounded."
.

.

All you can drink...

While out for dinner during our vacation...

Me (to waitress): "Can we get two glasses of water please."

Thomas: "Do they charge you for water?"

Me: "No buddy, the water is free."

...pause

Thomas: "This would be a great spot for hobos to get water."

.

The mind of a child...

Thomas' mathbook from school (grade 2)...

Smart kid, or smartass?
...probably a bit of both.

The voice of (un)reason...

Overheard between seven year old Thomas and his eight year old cousin...

Thomas: "Josef, lets play on your computer"

Josef: "My mom's not letting me play with it, because I had it turned up too loud last time."

Thomas: "That's dumb. You cant use it because it was too loud?"

Josef: "Ya, can you believe that? ...moms can be totally unreasonable!"

.

Soft clothes that smell ...like springtime?

Grant loves to unpack groceries. He's no help putting them away, but he loves to unpack them.

Grant: [pulling a bottle of Downy from the shopping basket] "Daddy, what is this?"

Daddy: "It's for doing laundry."

Grant: "It's fertilizer, right?"

Daddy: "No Grant, it's fabric softener."

Grant: "Ya, that's what I meant."

Mom PhD

My wife and I made the decision early on, that she would stay home and raise our children. It was a no brainer really. Mommy was explaing to Thomas about her schooling...

Mommy: After 14 years of elmentary and high school, I went to University for 4 years, then college for 4 years. So, about 22 years of school.

Thomas: ...And you still don't have a job?!

The Sun Always Shines On TV...

Thomas and I were talking about my friend John, who plays Bus Driver Bob on The Doodlebops, and is a 'regular' on a lot of national TV commercials...
.

Thomas: People on TV are always smiling so much. Must be because they make so much money. ...except that guy that swears all the time.

Daddy: Which guy that swears all the time?

Thomas: That guy you watch on 'The F Word'. He doesn't seem too happy. Doesn't he make as much money doing that show?

.

Ear Cavities...

Mommy: My ears are cold!

Thomas: It's because you don't brush them enough. ...you have ear cavities.

.

Do You Believe In Magic...

While sitting in the car, waiting for mommy in the health food store...

Grant: Thomas, do think there is such a thing as magic? Like, except for God and Santa Claus?

Thomas: Ya, of course there's magic.

Grant: How do you know?

Thomas: Because Jared had a magician at his birthday party, and I saw him do magic, that's how!

Grant: [after a long pause] ...did the magician talk funny?

Cauliflower Vs. Tree

Grant, over dinner...

Grant: Do I have to eat the cauliflower? I hate cauliflower - it taste only a bit better than eating a tree.

Mommy: How do you know what a tree taste like Grant, have you eaten one?

Grant: Nnnnnn...yes. Once, at our old house, I chewed up a leaf in the backyard. ...I didn't swallow it though.

.

...kinda like Bill Clinton?

The age old question children are always asked...

Daddy: Hey Grant. What do you wanna be when you grow up?

Grant: ummm. A goldfinder. ...or a spaceman.

So, when huge deposits of gold are found on Mars, you can bet it will be Grant leading the expedition.

...and at this point Thomas piped in with his future career choice...

Thomas: I'm going to be Elvis. ...the second Elvis.

Grant: Who's Elvist ?!

Drinkin' n Drivin' ...at 7.

We pulled into my sister-in-laws on Sunday, ariving for a birthday party for two of her kids.
Thomas, who's the oldest and in a booster seat, unbuckled his belt and headed inside the house, leaving us behind to unbuckle his brothers, and gater together the diaper bag, the gifts etc.
By the time we get in, two of my sisters are laughing...


Michelle: Hi Thomas.

Thomas: [nonchalantly - before heading downstairs to play with his cousins] Hi. I drove here by myself. ...I drank some rum first.


I have no idea what prompted him to say that. ...or how the hell he knows what rum is.

S's & W's !

Grant love games. Loves them. Not the electronic ones so much as the real deal. Board games, card games, puzzles etc.

Mommy was off to the bus stop to get Thomas. Grant and I had just finished up a game of Monopoly Junior, and S's & W's was born...

Grant: Will you paly X's & O's with me now Daddy?

Daddy: Sure I will. Can I be X's?

Grant: No wait. ummm. Lets play S's & W's.

Daddy: What's S's & W's?

Grant: It's kinda like X's & O's, but you use S's and W's instead.

Daddy: And how is that differnt than using X's and O's?

Grant: Because it's S's and W's! ...I invented it.

Daddy: Okay. But I get to be "S" for Spanky.

Grant: Good, I'll be "W". I go first.

Take your Pick...

My two oldest often pose each other with "What would you rather" questions.
This is my favorite thus far...

Grant (5 yrs.) to
Thomas (7 yrs.)
over lunch...

Grant: Thomas. Would you rather pull off your own ear, or have pigs legs?

Thomas: ummm. Probably pull off my ear.

Grant: I'd pick pigs legs. I'd still want to be able to hear.